I love being the person my kids can be themselves with.
We make monster voices, joke around while doing homework, and make creations in the kitchen. I love hearing their stories, even when they need to tell me every detail. I want them to feel safe bringing all of themselves to me.
But sometimes everyone needs me at once.
We can be laughing over homework one minute. Then someone calls me from another room. Another question comes before I’ve answered the first. One of the kids is whining and needs extra attention, while I’m trying to keep track of schedules and everything that still has to get done.
I love them just as much in that moment. I understand why they need me. But love and understanding cannot stop sensory overload once too much is happening at the same time.
When I’m being called in a million directions, it becomes almost unbearable to think, let alone function. I’m trying to listen, decide what needs to happen first, and respond to each child, but my brain can’t sort through it fast enough. My body is overwhelmed while everything around me keeps moving.
Sometimes I react more sharply than I want to. I might ask for quiet with more frustration in my voice than I meant to show. In that moment, I’m struggling to get through what’s happening. I can’t always explain it while I’m still in it.
Once my body starts to regulate, I can think clearly again. And then the guilt sets in.
I replay my reaction. I think about how I could have answered differently, taken a breath, or handled things better. I worry about what my kids heard in my voice. I never want them to mistake my overwhelm for a lack of love.
So when I need to, I go back and apologize. I tell them that my reaction wasn’t their fault, and that I’m working on how I handle those moments. I want them to see me take responsibility without believing that one difficult moment defines who I am.
I want my kids to know it’s okay to be human. We make mistakes. We can acknowledge them, apologize, and try again. Having a hard moment doesn’t make someone a bad person. Every day, we live and learn a little more about how to do better—for ourselves and for the people we love.